It is at the midway point in this MLB season that the perennial fans of the Pittsburgh Pirates find themselves surrounded on all sides by folks that they have never seen before…well, not since 1998 or thereabouts, anyways. Or maybe last year at this time was the last they had been together at PNC Park. Regardless, there seems to be some animosity on the part of these more regular Pirate game attendees toward these other, less seasoned folks. I am here to clear the air between these two factions.
For those of you that have not been quite as loyal in your following of our beloved Buccos, I am offering some factoids for your consumption, to help you appear a little less Pirate-ignorant (Pirignorant?) when you do attend games. Ignorance draws the ire of the natives in this town, it seems. I recommend that you heed the following advice to negate any possibility of being labeled a “fair-weather fan” or “bandwagoner” (both of which are derogatory in nature). I implore you to utilize these tips and buzz words and phrases to appear more knowledgeable than you really may be.
– The Clemente Bridge is NOT named as such because Roberto Clemente once hit a home run over it…although he was physically capable of doing so.
– Mike LeValliere no longer is on the Pirates Roster. Nor is Andy Van Slyke.
– It is not acceptable to wear your Steelers or Penguins jersey to a game. This also goes for the twirling of a Terrible Towel.
– In light of the above statement, it IS acceptable to buy a $10 “Zoltan” T-shirt from the lady in the parking lot and wear that into the game if you do not own any Pirates gear.
– Just like Steeler tailgates, it is fine to give the homeless guy a hot dog or burger. I actually recommend this.
– Kevin McClatchey is no longer owner of the Pirates.
– Visit Manny Sanguillen behind the center field wall. Buy a sandwich from him. It’s got a perogie on it. You can’t go wrong there.
– The Pirates have not had a good right fielder since The Cobra. You may want to Google this one before throwing it out there. I’m not doing ALL the work for you on this one.
To all of the Pirates fans that now have to deal with what you consider to be “nothing but a headache”(or worse), please show some leniency toward those who are in the position of lesser fandom. These folks have children, some of whom will propagate the next generation of “true” Pirates fanatics. I know it is unfortunate to need these folks around, but someone has to carry on our tradition.
They are 21 games above .500, leading the division by two full games, and have won nine of the last 10. Their pitching is the best in the Majors, including the bullpen. It’s July in Pittsburgh, and there is no more exciting place to be this time of year than within the friendly confines of one of the most beautiful baseball facilities known to man. Go to games. Take your kid in early to try to shag a homer in the left field bleachers during BP (that’s batting practice, by the way) then buy them a foam finger and enjoy a couple hours away from all that worries or ails you. Then at the end of the game, we will all enjoy Tweeting or posting to Facebook “RTJR”(you may want to Google that one too…).
